Contouring: It's like the modern day, ultra-push up bra. Yes, it looks incredible, but it's not truly you. And when it comes to the latest beauty techniques, contouring beats them all as the most time-consuming and impossible to do.
First of all, you're spending an insane amount of money buying palettes of highlights and low lights, a multitude of brushes and three different toned concealers. Then there's the issue of what goes where. (Yes, we know our cheeks are supposed to be highlighted, but where should the concealer end and the bronzer begin?) And finally, if you actually made it this far, you are presented with the task of blending. Sure, you have your trusty beauty blender, but even that glorious sponge can only take you so far.
For all of those who have ever contemplated the technique, you've probably had to face these harsh realities in contrast to your overly optimistic expectations.
Maybe we shouldn't be changing our faces so drastically after all?
Expectation: Watching Tutorials and Knowing Everything
What is everyone so negative about? These tutorials make it look so
easy! Just apply a little highlighter here and some bronzer there and
blend it all out. I could do this every day if I had to!
Reality: How Many Shades of Concealer Am I Using Again?
Um, I have this concealer and that one. And the other one. But what about this other brown color, do I need this? Is that the one that goes on my forehead? Am I recreating the Mona Lisa here, or am I trying to put makeup on?!
Expectation: Cheeks Bones Sculpted AF
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My face is going to look like it's been teaching a face pilates class! Cheekbones for days! So ready for this.Reality: Okay, Maybe I Used too Much Highlighter?
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Um,
okay maybe I used too much highlighter on my cheeks. Did I apply it to
the apples? Where exactly are my apples? Don't only guys have apples? I
look like a dead pageant queen with some brown streaks strewn about my
face. Pretty, I guess?Expectation: Beauty Blender to the Rescue!
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Okay,
my problem is that I just haven't blended it all out yet. Just gotta
take my beauty blender, run it across my face and it'll all come
together. This will just take a second.Reality: It's Been Forever and I'm Still Blending...
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It's
2030, and I'm still blending. Half of my life has passed me by and
these colors still aren't meshing together. At least it looks like I
haven't aged since the 15 years when I first started this.Expectation: Go out Looking Like Kim K on the Town
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I
am going to look fierce! I'll probably get all the phone numbers and at
least three modeling contracts tonight because I look that good.
Contouring queen #ftw with all the sassy salsa dancer emojis.Reality: Am I a Lion or a Person?
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Some
guy just asked me if I thought it was Halloween. No sir, I'm not
dressed like a zoo animal. This is what having style looks like!Expectation: Taking Selfies Like I'm in Vogue
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Time
for some smizing in my selfies while I'm out to show off on Insta!
Going to get a million likes and probably become famous because I just
look so good. No world, I'm not a Kardashian, but I can see why you're
confused.Reality: Ugh, That White Cast is Horrendous!
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All
you see is white and two beadie red eyes. Highlighter does NOT look
good in pictures. Let's pretend this photo never happened...
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